Tips for Dating an Introvert

Rachel Rumbelow | 14.03.19 | 0 Comments

Dating isn’t always easy and can sometimes get discouraging. You’re probably familiar with the old adage that opposites attract, but that doesn’t mean that being in a relationship with someone who is different than you doesn’t take work, understanding, and compromise if you want the relationship to be long-lasting. Some differences you may encounter in dating include one person being a morning person and the other a night owl, or one person being a gym buff whereas the other prefers fast food and time spent on the couch. Another romantic pairing that can develop is that of an extrovert dating an introvert. Here, we’ll explore tips both for the extrovert and for the introvert in the relationship in order to make such a pairing a success.


What is an Introvert?

The truth is, people often misunderstand what being an introvert is all about. They usually believe that an introvert is somebody who is shy or has social anxiety. This is far from reality.

Introverts aren’t usually scared or nervous in social situations. It’s more of a measure of how quickly their energy is depleted around other people. Having to interact socially is hard on an introvert, so dating them can be a challenge if you don’t understand the intricacies of their nature. Read on for an intensive guide on how to date an introvert.

An extrovert, on the other hand, feels energized by social situations and being around a lot of people at once. They’re often described as the life of the party and tend to be quite outgoing and expressive.

How Introverts Lose Energy

One of the most helpful things you can learn about the introvert you’re dating is the physical signs of when they have been depleted of their social energy. This is important because most introverts won’t realize they’re at the end of their social rope until after they start experiencing the physical symptoms of the energy depletion.

Once your dearest introvert starts acting irritable and/or unfocused, you can act quickly and get them home or to an isolated area. Being able to detect their draining energy will save a lot of problems, avoid arguments and make your introvert feel understood and validated. These are the kinds of things that give a huge boost to a relationship.


Things to look for when an introvert loses energy:

  • Irritability
  • Lashing out
  • Dazed or glazed look in their eyes
  • Swaying as if they’re about to pass out
  • Looking like they are close to tears
  • Looking uncomfortable for no reason
  • Changes in general behavior

3 Tips for Planning a Date With an Introvert

1. Plan Ahead

Knowing that a social event is coming up gives you an opportunity to help plan excuses for an easy exit or to help prepare your partner to rest up and build up their energy silo if they can.

Find out how many people are going to be at the event. Letting them know how big the group or crowd will be can help them manage their expectations and try to take it slow. Their social interactions have to be metered out more like a marathon as opposed to a sprint.

When you first arrive, see if there are any corners or lobbies where you two can sneak out and check in with each other. Having bases covered like that will make your introvert feel safe and nurtured and it might even help extend their social endurance.

2. Don’t Try to Change Them

Looking for dating tips is a good start but you have to also come to an acceptance with who they are. Make sure you are up for the unique challenges of introvert dating because the last thing they will respond to is somebody trying to change them. You can’t and you won’t. Doing this will only cause problems.

Being an introvert is not something people choose. The energy depletion is a real thing and it can be a strain on the relationship if it isn’t taken seriously by their partner. This has long been a problem for introverts dating an extrovert. It’s why they often shy away from the possibility.

If you don’t want that to happen with you, make sure you acknowledge that being an introvert is a constant for them and that you’re okay with that. Show them that you want to learn more about their needs and how to plan dates with them.

3. Choose Appropriate Dates

I think it’s pretty obvious that the first place to start is seeing a film. What could be better than sitting in a dark room, watching other people interact and letting your cherished introvert recharge while you get to be next to them? It’s the perfect date for an introvert and one that they will appreciate if you notice that they have been low energy lately.

Museums are also a great idea. Taking in art or history feeds any soul but especially an introvert’s soul. Interacting with inanimate objects instead of people is another great way to spend quality time with an introvert while they recharge their social energy.

Do you want to know the best thing you can do with an introvert, though? Take a beautiful walk and have one-on-one conversations. Introverts lose their energy when there is more than one person but one-on-one is where they really shine. This also helps build a solid foundation with that introvert you can’t resist.


The Benefits of Dating an Introvert

Any extrovert dating an introvert will tell you that the benefits outweigh the challenges. Dating an introvert is not all about appeasing them. Introverts are some of the best listeners you’ll ever meet and they are known for their loyalty.

Introverts will also make you see the world in a different way. Their preference for smaller, intimate venues and taking in things like sites, art, and information will help you see past a world of social gatherings and look more deeply. They help you find appreciation for quiet and solitude, which most extroverts don’t realize how to appreciate until an introvert helps them find a different perspective.

Introverts are often very good at being alone and when you need space, they won’t usually have a problem with that because they understand. Every relationship needs that time where you two can do things independently and you will usually have an easier time being able to do that when dating an introvert.

Dating Tips for Introverts

On the flip side of the coin, if you’re an introvert, it can be hard finding dates when social interaction is exhausting. In the digital age, there are plenty of ways to get out there without going too far outside of your comfort zone.  Instead of searching for love in bars and clubs, a dating website could be more up your alley. Knowing what to look for is a huge help and knowing which sites will cater to your introverted needs can be powerful.

Introvert dating sites won’t have flashing red lights letting you know it’s a safe space for you, but some sites like Zoosk have features that compliment the introverted nature. They will help you find the best way to send a message and as you use their site, they get to know your habits, likes and dislikes, and preferences. Eharmony has an Icebreaker feature, which proposes a short, crafted message for you to send to someone to help break the ice. All you need to do is click! This will take the stress off deciding upon what to write.

Other dating sites like Elite Singles have you fill out an advanced personality quiz, which will work with their information system to find the best match that isn’t necessarily a mirror to you but a compliment to you based on advanced algorithms. With the provided comfort of having some things in common, it makes it easier to interact.

Final Thoughts

Whatever brought you to this article — introverts, online dating, extrovert dating an introvert — you are here because introverts and dating sound intimidating when put together. It’s not as challenging as you think and it could enrich your life to reach out and try something new.

Introverts and extroverts alike become better and more well-rounded when they come together and find a way to be a team. Overcome the hesitation and use these tips for dating an introvert or tips for introvert dating to expand your dating pool.

Rachel Rumbelow

Rachel is a freelance writer and young widow who understands life is short and refuses to take it for granted. Using this attitude, she's taken the world by storm and is excited to share her knowledge and expertise.

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