Urban Dictionary defines Ghosting as “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”

You know how it goes, even if you haven’t experienced it firsthand. You get talking to someone on a dating site or social media, you hit it off and go on a few dates, everything goes great and you let yourself dream about the future. And then he disappears. No calls, no messages, nothing.

A ghoster will simply vanish. People who ghost are usually non-confrontational people that want to avoid their own emotional discomfort. They simply hope that you get the hint without having to face you directly. Unfortunately, ghosting has become a wide spread phenomena in the online dating world.

In a time when there are so many different and convenient forms of communication, it’s easy to know when someone is ghosting you. Here are a few signs to help you figure out if you’re about to be ghosted.

 

How to Know You’ve Been Ghosted

Physical Disappearance

If the person cancels plans you’ve made together one too many times, they are probably slowly disconnecting. If they tell you in advance that they will have a few unbelievably busy weeks at work, or for any other reason, it’s a hint that they might ghost you.

Digital Disappearance

They don’t call, don’t answer or return your calls, and they don’t answer texts or messages. If you go online, you see them going offline. If you find yourself deleted or blocked from their social media, unfriended or anything similar to a digital disappearance, you’ve been ghosted.

 

What to do When You Get Ghosted

It’s a painful way to breakup because of the aspect of uncertainty. Is it really over or are they simply busy? Maybe something terrible, like an accident, happened and that’s why they haven’t gotten back to you. After about a week or so of radio silence from the other side, you can understand that you’ve been ghosted.

Being ghosted creates a terrible sense of lack of closure; you don’t get to ask questions to figure out what you did wrong or why they thought you don’t work as a couple. It also creates a sense of disrespect and betrayal as someone you cared about didn’t even bother to tell you it was over. The longer you were involved, the more pain you will feel.

However, like all bad dating experiences, in the end you need to pick up the pieces and move on. Here are a few tips to help you deal with being ghosted and move on:

Acceptance

You need to accept that it is over, despite the lack of a clear break. You need to deal with it like you would deal with any other break-up and bounce back from it.

Closure

You can decide to write one last text or email that will help you feel like you’ve reached whatever closure you can under such conditions. Say what you have to say to help yourself feel better, but don’t expect a response.

Cut All Ties

Afterwards you need to stop trying to make contact. No more calls, texts, or checking their Facebook and twitter accounts. Delete and throw away anything that is connected to that person. Out of sight, out of mind.

It’s Not Your Fault

You can never do something that will deserve this response. You really need to avoid analyzing the relationship that you had, and what could you have possibility done wrong. If a person does not have the decency to let you know it’s over, it is their fault.

See the Bright Side

Taking into account the kind of people who ghost, you probably dodged a bullet. People who avoid their discomfort at your expense are likely to be selfish and not very emotionally mature. You deserve better than that. You probably don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is passive-aggressive anyway.

Move On

The best way to move on is to move on to someone new. Try getting back out into the dating scene without a chip on your shoulder. Meeting someone new is a great way to move on, forget about the other person and have a new reason to smile.

Even though being ghosted is a terrible experience to go through, it is becoming more common. However, you should not let it stop you in your search for a partner. When such people disappear from your life, it is always for the best. There are sometimes unpleasant experiences in the dating world, but you should stay positive and keep trying. With persistence comes success.

Jake Soto
Jake is photographer residing in free spirited San Francisco. He loves documenting things with his camera on a daily basis. He was not into dating sites until hearing some great stories when he became a dedicated user himself. “Dating sites are detailed, visual and versatile, just like photography”. Jake is a regular contributor to the Top 5 Dating blog.
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