What Your Enneagram Means for Love

P. J. Aitken

Feb 11 2021

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An Enneagram is a system of 9 personality-types (from the Greek words “Εννέα” meaning “nine” and “γράμμα” meaning “letter”) into which everyone can be grouped.

The 9 groups describe certain personality traits, specifically those concerned with how people view the world, manage their emotions, and form connections. It can help you to better understand your personality. More importantly, it can be used to understand the way that you interact with others and form relationships, potentially improving your results on dating websites and dating apps.

The Enneagram Types

The goal of the Enneagram test is to determine which of the 9 Enneagram types you are:

  1. The Perfectionist: Craves perfection, fears imbalance. Is idealistic and always seeks self-improvement.
  2. The Giver: Is caring and generous, but also possessive. Fears being unloved and unliked.
  3. The Performer: Ambitious, adaptive, and driven, but fears failure and worthlessness.
  4. The Romantic: Dramatic, expressive, self-absorbed, withdrawn, and sensitive.
  5. The Observer: Intense, with a deep-seated need to understand and a fear of being helpless.
  6. The Sceptic: Desires security, is engaging and responsible but also anxious and suspicious.
  7. The Epicure: Impulsive, easily distracted, and versatile.
  8. The Protector: Wants to be in control and is very confrontational and self-confident.
  9. The Mediator: Easy-going, complacent, and desires stability.

Of course, most people won’t match those descriptions perfectly. It’s not about finding an Enneagram type that you fit 100%. Rather, it’s about finding the driving force, the one that stands out above all else.

You can take an Enneagram test to determine your type or simply use the above list to gain a quick understanding.

enneagram personality traits

What do Enneagram Types Mean for Dating?

Some Enneagram types seem to be more compatible than others and may be better suited for long-term relationships, but nothing is set in stone. We’re all unique; we’re all complex, and you can’t accurately predict the success or failure of a relationship based on Enneagram types alone.

However, research suggests that certain Enneagram types are more likely to remain together over the long haul. If you’re not having much success in the dating game, it might help if you switch your attention to the Enneagram test and focus on its compatibility rules.

What Enneagram Types Go Together?

A study of 457 couples discovered some interesting connections concerning the Enneagram, including:

Type 8 Males and Type 6 Males with Type 2 Females

Of the most commonly paired couple groups, type 2 females appeared twice, totalling 33 pairs. These generous and considerate women seemingly seek security, as both types 6 and 8 are known as protectors who value stability and security.

Type 9 Males with Type 4 and Type 1 Females

The easy-going nature of Type 9 is often drawn to the sensitive, dramatic, and emotional aspects of Type 4. You will struggle to find personalities that are more different, on the surface at least, and yet they are often found with one another. Just as surprisingly, these easy-going males are also drawn to perfectionist Type 1s.

9 and 4 marriages were also the most common in the study. It’s a volatile mix, but one that seems to work.

Type 5 Males with Type 1 Females

It’s easy to see how these two personality types would match. Type 5s are observant and perceptive, with a need to understand the world around them. On the other hand, Type 1s are idealistic and constantly striving to know more about themselves. The aforementioned study suggested that this pairing is very common.

enneagram test happy couple in love

Type 6 Males with Type 9 Females

The easy-going nature of a Type 9 female seems to create a balance against the anxious and suspicious nature of the Sceptic. Perhaps this is why they’re often found together.

As you may have noticed, Type 9 males aren’t as commonly found with Type 6 females. Therein lies another interesting factor concerning Enneagram types.

Male and Female Matches are Different

While Type 8 males are often drawn to Type 2 females, the opposite doesn’t seem to be true. It’s not nearly as common to find Type 8 females with Type 2 males.

This is true for all Enneagram types and there is a great disparity between the sexes and the matches they create.

Matching Enneagram Types

All of this data tells us something else, something that many people in long-term relationships already know: Opposites attract. It’s rare for two people of the same type to get together and it’s even rarer for them to remain together.

Of course, chance can also play a role. Considering the Enneagram has just 9 personality types, the odds of any specific types matching are quite high at nearly 11%. But the aforementioned studies account for this and the rates at which the most common connections are formed are much greater than probability would dictate.

Should I Post My Enneagram Results?

Enneagram results are increasingly appearing on dating website profiles, along with other personality tests. Daters clearly place a lot of emphasis on these results and are keen to try anything that gives them an edge and increases their chances of finding someone.

If you know what your Enneagram type is, you can post it on your profile. There are a few caveats. however.

For instance, not everyone knows what the Enneagram test is. You might confuse the majority of matches if you talk extensively about these results.

What’s more, you could be scaring potential suitors away. Maybe someone is perfect for you, but they place so much emphasis on this test and their results. In that case, they may run a mile when they see that you’re not a “perfect” match.

If you’re struggling to make any kind of initial connection, this test won’t help, and you should spend more time improving your profile and sticking with dating apps and sites that use compatibility tests, including eHarmony and Match.

If you’re receiving a deluge of messages, going on many dates, and are struggling to find someone worthy of long-term commitment, focusing on Enneagram results can definitely help.

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