Online Dating Messages: Dos and Don’ts

You’ve registered to a dating site and built an awesome profile. So, what’s next? Start browsing the profiles and try to get in touch with interesting people!

Sending the first message on a dating app or site can feel a bit nerve-wracking. What should you say? How do you make a good impression without coming across as awkward or overbearing? Whether you’re new to online dating or a seasoned swiper, crafting the perfect message can often feel like an art form. But don’t worry—you’re not alone in figuring it out.

A well-thought-out message can set the tone for a meaningful connection, while a poorly written one could see you ignored or unmatched. The good news? With a little guidance, you can avoid common pitfalls and start sending messages that actually get replies. From opening lines that spark interest to knowing when to follow up (and when to let it go), learning the dos and don’ts of online dating messages can make all the difference.

In this guide, we’ll cover everything you need to know about messaging etiquette in the world of online dating. Whether you’re struggling with what to say, how much to share, or how to keep the conversation going, these tips will help you navigate the tricky waters of online communication with confidence. Ready to up your messaging game? Let’s get started!

Personalise

When it comes to online dating, personalisation is one of the most important steps you can take to make your messages stand out. A generic, copy-paste message might occasionally get a response, but it’s unlikely to spark genuine interest or lead to a meaningful connection. Taking the time to read someone’s profile and craft a thoughtful message shows that you’re genuinely interested, not just casting a wide net.

Start by picking out something specific from their profile that resonates with you. Do they mention a favourite book, a shared hobby, or an interesting travel destination? Referencing these details in your message creates an immediate connection and shows you’ve put in the effort to learn a bit about them. For example, instead of a vague “Hey, how are you?” try something like, “I noticed you’ve been to Edinburgh—I loved visiting the castle there! What was your favourite part of the trip?” This not only makes your message more engaging but also opens the door for a conversation that feels natural and personalised.

Remember, everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated. A message that acknowledges someone’s individuality and takes them out of the sea of potential matches is far more likely to succeed. Avoid the temptation to rely on impersonal or overly generic lines—they may be quick, but they won’t get you very far. Instead, focus on making the recipient feel like they’re someone worth getting to know. By personalising your approach, you’ll not only increase your chances of a reply but also lay the foundation for a more meaningful connection.

Say Why They Caught Your Eye

Everyone loves to feel noticed and appreciated, so let the person you’re messaging know what stood out to you about their profile. Highlighting a specific detail shows that you’re not only paying attention but that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. Whether it’s a shared interest, a unique hobby, or even their infectious smile in a photo, mentioning it can be the perfect ice-breaker to start a meaningful conversation.

For instance, if their profile mentions a love for hiking and you’re an outdoor enthusiast, say something like, “I noticed you’re into hiking—have you explored any good trails recently? I’m always on the lookout for new adventures!” Or, if you admired their witty bio or a specific photo, let them know: “Your sense of humour really stood out in your profile—it made me laugh! What’s the story behind that photo of you kayaking?” These small but thoughtful observations make your message feel personal and authentic, which is far more engaging than a generic opener.

The key is to focus on what genuinely intrigued you and use it as a gateway to a broader conversation. Compliments that feel specific and sincere are much more effective than vague flattery. So, take a moment to reflect on what caught your attention and share it—it’s a simple yet powerful way to break the ice and show that you’re genuinely interested in them.

Focus on Common Interests

Shared interests are a fantastic starting point for any conversation. When someone includes a hobby, favourite show, or specific passion in their profile, it’s usually because they enjoy talking about it. If you happen to be knowledgeable or interested in the same thing, you’ve got a ready-made conversation starter that’s bound to capture their attention.

For example, if they mention being a fan of a particular TV series you also enjoy, you could say, “I saw you’re into The Crown! Isn’t the latest season incredible? Who’s your favourite character so far?” Or, if their profile highlights a love of cycling and you share that interest, ask something like, “I noticed you love cycling—do you have a favourite route or destination? I’ve been meaning to try something new!” These tailored questions not only show that you’ve read their profile but also create an opportunity for a lively and engaging exchange.

Even if you’re not deeply familiar with their interest, expressing curiosity can work just as well. For instance, “I saw you’re into photography—that’s so cool! What kind of subjects do you like to shoot?” can open the door for them to share more about their passion while showing that you’re genuinely interested.

By focusing on common interests, you make the conversation feel natural and build a foundation for a stronger connection. It’s a great way to move beyond small talk and dive into something you both enjoy, setting the stage for a meaningful dialogue.

Avoid Pointless Questions

The classic “How are you?” might seem like a harmless opener, but it’s not exactly a conversation starter. It’s too generic and rarely leads to an engaging exchange. Instead, show that you’ve read their profile and put some thought into your message. Choose a topic that’s likely to spark a meaningful conversation or lead to a longer back-and-forth. For instance, if their profile mentions a love for travelling, ask about their favourite destination or where they’d love to go next. By skipping the predictable and going for something more personal, you’ll make a much better impression.

Keep It Short and Simple

You might be smitten from the moment you see their profile, but there’s no need to go overboard in your first message. Keep it short, casual, and light-hearted. Avoid diving into heavy topics like marriage or kids right away—it’s likely to come across as too intense and might scare them off. Instead, focus on creating a relaxed and friendly vibe. A thoughtful but concise message is more likely to get a response and keep the conversation flowing naturally.

Avoid Corny Messages

Cheesy jokes and risqué pick-up lines might feel clever in the moment, but they’re often a fast track to being ignored. What you think is witty could easily come across as cringey or off-putting, especially if the person is looking for something serious. For example, suggesting a cosy night in together right off the bat isn’t likely to impress someone seeking a long-term connection. Instead, focus on sincerity and humour that feels natural, not forced.

Be Positive

Even if you’re feeling lonely or frustrated with dating, try not to let that negativity seep into your messages. The early stages of online dating are about making a good impression, and being overly serious or sharing too much too soon can be off-putting. There will be time to share your life’s struggles later as the relationship progresses. For now, focus on projecting positivity, curiosity, and a genuine interest in getting to know the other person. A cheerful tone goes a long way in making your message stand out and encouraging a response.

Ready to start crafting your first message? Find out which are the best dating sites, register and get in touch with potential soulmates today!