Signs They’re Just Looking for a Fling

P. J. Aitken

Aug 19 2020

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Forget about how tall they are, what colour hair they have, and where their political and musical allegiances lie, there is one thing more important than all of that: Do they want the same things as you?

It’s an important question to ask. The sooner you get an answer, the less likely you are to waste your time, get frustrated, or suffer heartbreak.

If you’re looking for a serious long-term relationship, you need to avoid daters who are only interested in a quick fling. The problem is that, unless you know what to look for, you could find yourself messaging, meeting, and even going on several dates with someone before their intentions become clear.

In this guide, we’ll show you how to spot the signs that someone is only interested in a no-strings-attached hookup. We’ll cover all of the key stages of online dating, from before you even message them to the point you exchange contact details and go on several dates.

Before You Make Contact

It’s hard to know what a prospective date is truly looking for before you actually send them a message or go on a first date. After all, you’re basing your decision entirely on their profile.

However, the signs that they are looking for a fling might be more obvious than you think. Here are the two things you should consider before even making contact with someone to determine whether they’re looking for just a fling:

The Dating App or Website

Firstly, it’s important to choose the right online dating site. There are many “hookup” apps and sites out there. It goes without saying that the number of serious daters seeking long-term relationships are pretty sparse on these platforms.

Instead, stick with sites that are geared towards specific needs and preferences, such as Elite Singles, as well as sites that require users to complete questionnaires and use advanced algorithms, such as eHarmony.

These platforms place more of an emphasis on compatibility than simply presenting you with a series of pictures and asking you to select the ones you like. As a result, they attract fewer people looking for casual dating.

Their Profile Content

If their dating profile is over-sexualised, it may also be a sign that they’re only interested in a fling. Think about it: if you’re there to connect with a future spouse, you’ll be more inclined to discuss your preferences, hobbies, likes, and dislikes, and to post pictures that show you fully clothed.

On the flip side, if you’re there only for a quick fling, you may post more revealing images and focus entirely on talking about your body, your fitness regime, and the physical things you find attractive.

online dating profile

Your First Few Messages

It’s normal for your messages to get a little heated now and then. This is true regardless of your age and the dating site you use.

Online dating messages can be very sexualised. A few years ago, it was estimated that as many as 70% of people sent sexts on a regular basis, and while this high number was limited to those aged 18 to 24, sexts amongst older adults have been increasing ever since.

The question is not whether these messages are being sent. The real question is whether or not your potential date has anything else to say. Do they have an interest in anything other than how you look without your clothes?

The speed at which they send these messages can also be a red flag. If you have a heated conversation that naturally leads towards a few racy images, that’s fine. If they ask for your contact details before they even know your name and then send you an explicit image, they are definitely only interested in a fling.

Or they’re a creep.

Either way, you should probably keep your distance.

Do they show a general disinterest in what you have to say and keep bringing the topic back to sex? Does it seem like they only message you when it’s late and they’re drunk, bored, or alone? If these sound familiar, a long-term relationship is probably the last thing on their mind.

Your First Few First Dates

If you’ve had your share of first dates, you’ll understand that it’s not always easy to predict a person’s intentions. You’ve moved offline to online, you’ve spent lots of time together, but there’s still a lot you don’t know.

Women tend to be more open and honest during a first date and subsequent dates. If they want a quick fling, they’ll be clear about their intentions.

Men, however, are more likely to hide their intentions. They often believe that by portraying themselves in a certain way, they can get what they want. Some may be more open about their intentions than others, but the signs are always there if you know how to spot them:

1. Laser-Focused on Sleeping with You

If all they care about is getting you into bed, that could be a clear sign they’re only interested in casual dating. More than half of all couples wait for several weeks before making this commitment, and while it is more common for this to happen after the first date, that’s not an invitation for them, nor is it an obligation for you. Bide your time, test their patience, and if they’re looking for a long-term relationship, they’ll stick around.

2. Your Interactions Revolve Around Sex

If most of your interactions occur in the bedroom and seem to end soon afterward, it’s a huge red flag/ This suggests that your relationship isn’t there for the long-haul.

3. They’re Still Active on the Dating Site

You’ve been together several weeks and things seem to be getting serious. You should find out if they are still active on their dating profiles. If they are, it could be a red flag.

4. They Call to Hookup, and Nothing More

Do they contact you regularly to ask for hookups, but don’t message you about anything else? Are they not interested in normal conversation with you? They may only be there for a quick fling.

Conclusion: Spotting the Signs

There’s nothing wrong with hooking up for a quick fling. You’re single, free, and can do whatever you’re comfortable with. However, if you’re looking for something a little more serious, and don’t want to waste your time on people who aren’t there for the same thing, be sure to look out for the signs.

Millions of couples all over the world have found love online, and it will happen to you as well, eventually. You just have to look in the right places and speak with the right people.

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