My mom always told me, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” An online profile is a sharp reflection of someone’s character, so believe what you read! Often times we want to overlook things that stand out as red flags, thinking that maybe this person will be different in real life. When in reality, red flags that you spot now mean there are way more to come.
Finding a good match though online dating is just a matter of weeding out the bad ones to shine light on the good ones. Don’t spend your time chatting to sleaze balls or wasting your time with someone who is just going to waste yours. Today we are going to learn to art of decoding an online profile. I’m going to walk you through the most common red flags that we tend to encounter so you can learn how to swerve around them.
What the profile says
Spot one of these red flags
“No drama, please.”
What does that even mean? Listen, only a dramatic person would call out other people for causing “drama”. If they tell you that their last relationship was full of drama, remember that it takes two to tango. Trust me, this person thrives on the excitement and commotion that a middle-school relationship brings. Ain’t nobody
got time for that.
“If you are a liar or a cheater, don’t talk to me.”
Whoa whoa whoa. This person is pointing fingers at you before they’ve even met you! There is a likely probability that this person sees the world through a jaded lense from being hurt in the past. Until that person finds peace, their relationships will be built on a foundation of mistrust.
His profile is written in one, long run-on sentence.
Punctuation and spelling can separate the men from the boys. The way a person expresses him or herself in writing says a lot about who he or she is. A professional person who is educated is going to take the time to write full sentences like an adult.
What the photos tell you
Pay close attention to…
A photo that looks too good to be true
It probably is… A simple Google Image Search proved that the guy I was talking to was using fake photos to pretend he was some professional rock star. It also proved he was not to be trusted. It’s an easy process to check these guys out for yourself, just do a reverse Google image search.
Photos hiding their face or their eyes
Speaking from a psychological standpoint, this is a tell tale sign that this person is hiding more than just their looks. It’s possible that a person who never truly shows their face in their profile photos is looking for a side-chick rather than a real relationship.
The same selfie over and over
Now, this red flag can go two ways. If every photo is of him in his car on the way to work, that might just mean he is really busy and a little boring. But if all of his photos are half-naked bathroom mirror selfies, that could very well show where his priorities lie. Look for a man with some substance and diversity in his life.
What the messages say
Don’t hesitate to read between the lines.
Scripted compliments or introductions
“Hey beautiful, your profile really caught my eye. Message me back if you have any interest in chatting.” The first time I received that exact message I felt like it wasn’t sincere. Luckily, the guy sent me the same message three months later, confirming that it was not even close to sincere. There are men out there that copy and paste the same message to multiple women. An easy way to catch this is to see if the message indicates anything about you. Did he actually read your profile or message you wanting to get to know you?
‘U R 2 cute’ vs. ‘You are too cute’.
Which one do you prefer? The first message says that this person may be a 13-year-old living in a 30-year-old’s body. The second message shows that this person is an actual adult. Take your pick. Any guy that doesn’t have the time to pay attention to detail in his love life is probably also neglecting areas of his personal life.
Overtly Sexual off the Bat
If you’re looking for a hookup, more power to you. If you’re looking for something deeper, turn the other way and run. Any guy that compliments you on your lips, body, or comes up with some sweet talking line of wanting to see how you move is looking for quantity, not quality.
Immediately Offers Up a Phone Number
Within the first few messages, you are just getting acquainted with the other person. You’ve got to wonder, “What’s the rush?” If this guy is so quick to give you his number so he can feel good having someone to text, what’s his end game? Is he really looking for someone special? Or does he just give his number out to everyone?
The number one thing you want to look for in an online dating profile is sincerity. A man who isn’t hiding behind fake photos or generic compliments; a man whose messages reflect that they took a little time to get to know you…this kind of man is the most sincere of all. They say what they mean and mean what they say.
Red flags online are like those bad feelings in our stomach that we get in real life. You may not always be able to identify what exactly is “off” about this person, but your gut certainly can. Always trust your instincts, because they are probably right. With the duds out of the way, you can move on to the men who are truly worth your time.
For more dating tips for online and offline, check out these articles.